Saturday, May 28, 2011

Why I Watched American Idol

I remember my friend, Peter telling me that he made a conscious effort to up the hugs he gave his daughter, and the number of times he put his arm around his daughter, and the number of times he rubbed his daughter's back. He made a conscious effort to up the number of these touches when his daughter had a date. His reasoning was he wanted his daughter's emotional tank to be filled. He did not want her seeking that out on a date.

Peter's daughter is 15 years older than mine. Mine have not started dating yet. At the same time, I want to ensure I am filling their emotional tanks.

And I promise this has something to do with American Idol.

this picture and the following pictures were taken at Scotty's Homecoming Concert in Garner
Yes, I did take 6 girls out there

I watched the entire season of American Idol for one primary reason, to fill the emotional tanks of my children, to love on them through touch. There are 5 main ways people feel love: touch, quality time, gifts, affirming words, and acts of service. But physical touch is one of love's strongest languages.

I am not the touchy type and many times the only time I touch my kids is when I am putting them in the carseat, changing them into their pjs, wiping junk off their face, fixing their hair....and as they get older, they do all this by themselves and I touch them less. For me, I have to make a conscious effort to touch. So while I watch American Idol, I make sure I intentionally touch my kids. I put my arm around them. I scratch their back. They lay their head on my shoulder. I play with their hair. And we cuddle.

Another reason I watch American Idol is I know it is important to my kids. It is important for parents to show interest in the things that excite their children. This is another way to show love. I remember when I used to scrapbook. I would get so excited about my pages and go show them to Rob. Rob was always good at getting excited and praising my work. He did not care about scrapbooking, but he did care about me. Rob knew scrapbooking was important to me and therefore it was important to him.

I like American Idol, but I don't love it. And I certainly did not love Lady Ga Ga's performances or the Victoria Secret commercials. We turned off the tv during those. Agh!

Anyway, I wouldn't choose to watch American Idol on my own. But I know my kids need touch and this is one way I can make sure I give it. I know that I need to connect with the things my children value and this is something we can share together.

And that's what being an intentional parent is being about.

For more details on the 5 Love Languages, check out these books:
73652: The Five Love Languages of Children The Five Love Languages of Children

By Gary Chapman, Ph.D. & Ross Campbell, M.D.

Are you expressing your love in a way your child understands? Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell help you discover your child's unique communication style, so you can better meet his or her deepest emotional needs. From quality time to physical touch, these five "love languages" hold the key to your child's development and success.

473158: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

By Gary Chapman

Marriages may be made in heaven, but they must be nurtured here on earth. In this new paperback edition of Dr. Gary Chapman's bestselling book, The Five Love Languages, he explains how people communicate love in different ways, and shares the wonderful things that happen when men and women learn to speak each other's language. Chapters are categorized by love language and each one ends with simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. Paperback. A Focus on the Family recommendation.

The links to these books above are affiliate links which means if you happened to buy the book thru this link, I get a small, small percentage. I of course would never recommend something I have not personally read and benefited from. These two books are on my personal bookshelf.


  1. I'm glad you watched American Idol with your children and that it gave you an opportunity to interact with them and love them with touch. I'm also glad that Scotty won! How fun to get to be there for his homecoming. I agree with you about Lady Gaga though. She has a great voice. Why the need to act and dress as she does especially on a prime time show when children are watching.

    Blessings and love,

  2. The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Great book if you want to know how to love your significant other on a higher level.


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